The Passing Out
I was diagnosed with multiple complications in my internal organs last month. I woke up at around 3 am on June 3 to an unbearable pain in my lower abdomen and back radiating to the groin area. Ultrasound was performed, and unsurprisingly, three stones were seen in my right kidney.
Due to financial considerations, my parents and I chose taking meds over shockwave therapy and surgery to manage and treat the disease. The compromise? I had to endure the recurring pain. Few days after getting admitted to the hospital, I experienced the same pain again. Unfortunately, painkillers would not work. There are many more severe illnesses than kidney stones, but those who experienced it would agree that it is quite painful to have one. Pain develops from the muscle spasm in the ureter and pressure build-up in the kidney due to obstruction. Meds would help dissolve the stones and make the ureter relax to accommodate the stone’s passing.
I would encounter the pain more frequently, and passing out would be among my high hopes. I would anticipate small particles in my urine. I had considered it as the “return of investment” (ROI) of my endurance to pain. But my whole day of crying out the pain would not end up in that way.
My friends would say: “Hold on. This too shall pass.” Such encouraging words would not activate the opiate receptors in my central nervous system. Nor would they cause the stones to pass out. But those words remind me of the reality of waiting in one’s endurance to pain and journey towards healing. And just like my anticipation for the passing out, some days would conclude with disappointments and hurts. Sometimes, disappointments mimic in the form of setbacks; sometimes, we don’t get the ROI we expect and it feels like our pain is just in vain. But in our anticipation for better days, we develop our patience in our waiting as we continue working on the tough things.
We hold on for the brand new days that await us. Until then, we keep on working and waiting.